Query
Template: ../../_dracula/_dracula_0.0.4.10/CFCs/db_stories/storyToCategory.cfc:31
Execution Time: 182 ms
Record Count: 170
Cached: No
Datasource: ds_stories
Lazy: No
SQL:
SELECT tbl_story.storyID
,tbl_story.storyTitle
,tbl_story.storySummary
,tbl_story.isEditorsChoice
,tbl_story.dateCreated
,tbl_story.isApproved
,tbl_author.authorID
,tbl_author.authorDisplayName
FROM tbl_story
INNER JOIN tbl_storyToCategory
ON tbl_storyToCategory.storyID = tbl_story.storyID
LEFT JOIN tbl_author
ON tbl_author.authorID = tbl_story.fgn_authorID
WHERE tbl_storyToCategory.categoryID = 8066
ORDER BY tbl_story.dateCreated desc;
|
| storyID | storyTitle | storySummary | isEditorsChoice | dateCreated | isApproved | authorID | authorDisplayName |
| 1 | 312451 | Enjoying the Chance | Had plans to take break from work as businessman in New York City for two months. He’d deciding to travel all over USA by driving his rented car, green military jeep Cherokee sport, in the cool days. He informed his business partners that he won’t be back until he would be ready to return to work again. Pretty excited for his journey on the traveling to see what’s up with those cities.
On | N | {ts '2017-11-23 19:53:49'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 2 | 312359 | Stupid Decision | Curious about Las Vegas the guy visited for first time on his own in hot afternoon, those sceneries blew Lawos Favoi away. Everything had impossible for him to figure out how the engineers designed those masterpieces. The billion dollar casinos just looked so incredible. Before he went to one of them, he decided to go to the agency for sign up to being amateur gay porn actor.
The poor-looking | N | {ts '2017-08-08 19:06:52'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 3 | 312238 | Funny Joe | Inside Joe’s British home with large yard in United Kingdom at the 6’o’clock in the evening for just celebrated his birthday. His friends have been invited over to party his birthday. Joe was very excited about it because he had good year as he was very busy to make name for himself to entertain someone as if he wanted to be comedian. He was very hilarious by made funny faces and silly | N | {ts '2017-03-02 19:42:07'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 4 | 312143 | President's Son | The dark evening at Harvard University, invitees, from other Greek communities, were there to party in frat house as they just wanna have fun, like they liked to be wild for once. One guy was extremely important person to Greek communities because he was son of President Victor Nino in 2032 A.C. They did something what Jerry Nino want to as if he influenced them.
For Jerry’s appearance, he | N | {ts '2016-11-08 14:38:58'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 5 | 311684 | A Naked Motorcyclist | In Germany at 11-o-clock at morning in quiet town, there was one sexy blonde German guy named Friedhelm waited for his friends to come to his house for just hang out. He had ideas about fun he could entertain with his friends to win any kinds of it. In the appearance of Friedhelm, he was 5’11” tall, 21 years old, lean fit build, had buzz cut as hairstyle. He just read the motorcycle magazine | N | {ts '2015-10-15 12:06:19'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 6 | 311315 | Erroneous Buddies | On Friday at night time in West Hollywood, his gay friends and Irving went to very new huge bathhouse club that has lots of Jacuzzis for good time. They arrived at there and got VIP tickets by paid for 6 people to partying and get warm in hot tub as the individual room as if they already make reservation before anyone took over. “Let me guiding you to room, my bro,” hot black host friendly | N | {ts '2014-11-27 18:23:09'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio |
| 7 | 311268 | Ask the Doctor, Part 4 | Ask the Doctor, Part 4 -This is a fictional story.Dear Doc: Last night, I proposed to the girl of my dreams (we’ve dated for over six months). She said “yes”, provided we do a “test drive” in the bedroom, as she need to know I could “perform.” That’s all fine and dandy, but I signed a pledge six years ago when I was eighteen that I would not engage in sexual relations until I was married | N | {ts '2014-10-25 16:06:37'} | Y | 77171 | blindside |
| 8 | 309859 | sucking jake 2 | i take your manhood in my mouthdeep kissing your cockoh sweet bliss your soft membergrowing to fill my oral adorationand then the whole shaft pressinginto the welcome of wet desireflexing to soft tissue & withdrawnonly to know all anew all anew | N | {ts '2013-01-23 03:45:06'} | Y | 88143 | sucbud |
| 9 | 309636 | Ask the Doctor, Part 3 | Ask the Doctor, Part 3 -This is a fictional story. Enjoy!Dear Doc: Why can’t I piss and poop at the same time? Signed, Yellow & BrownDear Yellow & Brown: You’re an idiot. Next question please.Dear Doctor: When I married my husband, I knew he was “small”, if you get my meaning. While I don’t have a lot of complaints in the bedroom, I would like to experience a “larger” man. | N | {ts '2012-11-08 13:19:54'} | Y | 77171 | blindside |
| 10 | 309626 | Just One Last Dance... | Just one last dance....oh baby...just one last dance We meet in the night in the Spanish café I look in your eyes just don't know what to say It feels like I'm drowning in salty water A few hours left 'til the sun's gonna rise tomorrow will come an it's time to realize our love has finished forever how I wish to come with you (wish to come with you) how I wish we make it | N | {ts '2012-10-31 12:39:04'} | Y | 88144 | 20032012 |
| 11 | 309623 | sucking jake | it starts with the siren call of your bulge sleeping man meat enfolded with swollen nutsacksteeped in the manscent and warmth in themoist fabric hothouse of your underwear my tongue finding the tip of your cocklicking first taste of your male partsdarting inside loose briefs - peeling covering awaymy nose at home in soft curls of cock's crownlicking your balls and | N | {ts '2012-10-30 11:42:35'} | Y | 88143 | sucbud |
| 12 | 307567 | 2 THIRTY-FIVE YEAR OLD GUYS | Two thirty five year old guys on opposite sides of the world are thinking the EXACT same thing:One guy is walking a tightrope between the 50th floors of 2 New York city skyscapers. The second guy is in Japan and is getting a blow job from a toothless 85 year old woman.What are the 2 guys both thinking?..........................Don't look | N | {ts '2010-09-27 20:28:42'} | Y | 86654 | bobapple |
| 13 | 307518 | Song of love | CANTICLENaked he lies Across my thighs.Strong arms close him round. Soft cheek restUpon my breast.As my handSoft, silky skin adore. Love too does caress,The young smooth chest. Stretched long legsI part, and spread.To him who ready rears, I whisper in his ears,”My handsome boy,My sweet, sweet love”.I see surrender, Without no condition,But trust in love | N | {ts '2010-09-11 08:40:18'} | Y | 79566 | alfredo247 |
| 14 | 304874 | False or True? | Well a little game for you - wanna find out what's true in this story and which parts are just fiction or where I add some fantasies? Guess and write to me you guessing - you will get the answers and some explanations ;-)
Ready, Steady GOOOO!!!
...and then was this day in San Francisco - I met a guy in a club. We met because i forgot to pull away the prize from my new A+F-shirt and so we | N | {ts '2008-02-09 16:27:56'} | Y | 83517 | guschti |
| 15 | 303319 | The Wad | I shot my wad into the air,
If fell to earth I cared not where.
Then my master came round,
And showed me where my wad was found.
Now I do not dare, (ouch)
To shoot more wads into the | N | {ts '2006-07-15 02:32:52'} | Y | 81834 | Draconum |
| 16 | 303036 | Learning to Pee Joke | This is a joke I heard a long time ago. Before I told it to guys, I would ask them if they were cut. If they said yes, I would tell them they have to remember that this little boy is uncut or they won't understand the joke. If they said no, I would tell them good, they will understand the story with no problem. (This also gave me the chance to find out if they were cut or uncut -- killing two | N | {ts '2006-04-20 16:38:01'} | Y | 82654 | David Johns |
| 17 | 302248 | Eight- and Nine-Inch Drills | Ad placed by Andre (9 slender inches) and Mike (8 thick inches) in the local weekly newspaper:
- - - -
Power Drills: GBM’s, Strong, hard, silent eight- and nine-inch power drills seek tight BWM or SWM who seeks filled fantasy experience for multiple drill role play says-no-but-wants-yes bottom. Call Mike at 945-6036.
- - - -
Ad Rob saw instead in the local weekly newspaper and decided | N | {ts '2005-10-06 01:30:36'} | Y | 80842 | Habu |
| 18 | 302035 | Elementary, Snidely | “But I don’t understand how you can just stand here, out on this beach, and declare that Jason Dunn has run away with his college football offensive team coach and lost his virginity, Doctor Klein. The Dunn’s paid us to find their son, and I very much doubt they will be amused with the elaborate and very offensive story you’ve come up with by way of explanation.”
“It’s elementary, Snidely. And | N | {ts '2005-08-20 19:12:52'} | Y | 80842 | Habu |
| 19 | 301354 | Skelton's Tips For a Lasting Marriage | 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesday's, I go on Friday's.
2. We also sleep in separate beds, hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long | N | {ts '2005-03-24 07:55:00'} | Y | 79612 | dead serious |
| 20 | 301041 | Valentine's Day Gifts | By Tom Dolby (Out Magazine, February 2005)
No holiday bring on more gift-giving anxiety than Valentine’s Day. The meaning of a gift can change depending on how long you’ve been together and the dynamics of your relationship. Here’s a sampling of a few Valentine’s Day gifts and the mixed messages they may send:
1. A humorous e-valentine. Appropriate after 3 days.
A. “We don’t need to | N | {ts '2005-01-17 14:55:57'} | Y | 80212 | tongueincheeks |
| 21 | 300992 | Why It's Great To Be a Man | Why it's Great to be a Man...
You can kill your own food
Phone conversations last only 30 seconds
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of
someone crying
You can go to the | N | {ts '2005-01-08 05:17:13'} | Y | 80212 | tongueincheeks |
| 22 | 300881 | The Night BF X-mas | 'Twas the night B-F Christmas
'Twas a night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a keyboard was stirring, not even a mouse;
The Topmen well hung, by the meatrack with care,
In hopes that some good bottoms soon would be there;
The jockers were nestled all snug in their punks,
While sugar-plum fairies gave head, swallowed spunks;
My bottom in bed, and I in my cap,
I set on | N | {ts '2004-12-20 13:17:18'} | Y | 79800 | Johntheuser |
| 23 | 300810 | Some Like It Cool | Some Like It Cool ... donnie d bellew
It’s Monday and I’ve decided today my favorite flavor is white trash.
I may not remember tomorrow so I’m writing it down today.
Other times it’s been black street punks and sometimes blond teenage boys (eighteen and over, yeah-right) ... much earlier it was gray fatherly men with
shameful pink secrets or tanned pin-up guys with black tank top pecs | N | {ts '2004-12-03 12:43:42'} | Y | 80084 | don bellew |
| 24 | 300615 | Plant Therapy | It's four in the morning/ I can't get to sleep/
Out here, in the desert, it's hotter than (bleep)
So, I'm out in the garden/ Like nature intended/
Plugged into the power with a cord that's extended
This dial-up modem seems slow as molasses/
But it shows me the guys all alone or in masses
I bet they can't sleep now/ They look really hot/
(But I'm just about ready to give it a | N | {ts '2004-10-15 16:33:45'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino |
| 25 | 300563 | And God Created Man...And Woman | God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry.
“Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?”
“Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we | N | {ts '2004-09-24 10:01:57'} | Y | 77171 | blindside |
| 26 | 300557 | And God Created Man...and Woman | God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry.
“Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?”
“Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we | N | {ts '2004-09-23 16:39:34'} | Y | 77171 | blindside |
| 27 | 300538 | Mystery Man | Maybe he's Ebony
Maybe he's White
Maybe he's Greek or Latino
Sometimes a Mystr'y Man's better by far
Than the day-to-day strangers that we | N | {ts '2004-09-20 19:15:07'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino |
| 28 | 300382 | Service With a Smile | The station attendant sold gas,
But he did it with style and class.
His name-tag said "Chuck".
He was a hot Latin buck,
And he pumped a huge load up my | N | {ts '2004-08-21 16:02:25'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino |
| 29 | 300038 | Perfect Beauty | Perfect Beauty
You are perfect beauty and looking into your soft soulful eyes I see the men that I could be.
We kiss and the taste of your lips is the nectar that sustains my life.
You wrap your strong arms about my waist and I understand the meaning of safety.
I nuzzle your neck and the aroma of your skin intoxicates me while the stubbled growth of your cheek electrifies my | N | {ts '2004-06-09 16:24:06'} | Y | 79474 | vallen |
| 30 | 298890 | Just One Man's Opinon | Two old men decided they are close to their last days on earth and thought they'd have one last night on the town. After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two rooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. Those two are so old and drunk; I am not wasting two of my girls on them. They | N | {ts '2003-10-27 07:59:48'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky |
| 31 | 298472 | Hunter's Revenge | Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder; he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "Don, you’ve got two choices: either I maul you to death or we have sex."
Don decided to bend over.
After two weeks of feeling sore, Don recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on | N | {ts '2003-08-07 08:54:08'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky |
| 32 | 298039 | Favorite Graffitti | I didn't come here to take a shit,
I'm looking for a MAN with a big, hairy dick
I can lick on, suck on, fondle and stroke
Until he spews forth his hot, creamy load.
I didn't come here to piss or pass gas,
I'm looking for a MAN with a tight, hairy ass-
hole that puckers and twitches when I give it a lick
or tongue-bathe his balls and deep-throat his dick.
I didn't come here just to | N | {ts '2003-05-04 11:17:54'} | Y | 77789 | Mr_B8 |
| 33 | 297916 | Name That Member--Please! | This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink.
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the | N | {ts '2003-04-14 10:28:40'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman |
| 34 | 297913 | Name THAT Member, Please! | This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink.
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the | N | {ts '2003-04-14 00:27:51'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman |
| 35 | 297825 | Erection Correction | There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he | N | {ts '2003-03-24 09:14:51'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 36 | 297719 | 50th Anniversary | 50th Aniversary
Two elderly lovers were celebrating their 50th anniversary, with a friend at the bar.
The friend suggests they return to the little town where they first met. "I'll drive you" he offers, "you guys are always talking about the place, it would be nice to go back and visit". So off they go.
They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the friend about their | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:13:08'} | Y | 73015 | OH YEAH!!! |
| 37 | 297717 | Gay Translation Guide | Gay Translations
Haven't I seen you before?
Nice ass.
I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.
I need you.
My hand is tired.
I want a commitment.
I'm sick of masturbation.
You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:04:41'} | Y | 74456 | alone |
| 38 | 297716 | Penis Poem | The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:00:36'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 39 | 297715 | Two Fleas | Two Fleas
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
To which the second flea replied "I just | N | {ts '2003-02-25 14:57:23'} | Y | 72741 | Aramis |
| 40 | 297714 | Blowing Smoke | Blowing Smoke
Three guys are arrested in an adult bookstore and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:
"What is your name?" he asked.
"John," the guy answered.
"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.
The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy | N | {ts '2003-02-25 14:50:27'} | Y | 74453 | Dimmy |
| 41 | 297377 | Getting the Finger | Man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says, "Drop your pants, bend over and let me have a look".
"Fuck me!" says the doctor, "What could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies, "I was fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says, "An elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies, "He fingered me | N | {ts '2003-01-03 01:04:46'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman |
| 42 | 292953 | Men's Personals Ads Dictionary | 40-ish..........................….52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic.............. ............Watches a lot of FootballAverage looking...........…..Unusual hair growth on
ears, nose, & backEducated.....................…..Will patronize the shit out of you.Free Spirit....................…..Banging your brother.Friendship first.............…..As
long as friendship | N | {ts '2002-10-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky |
| 43 | 291100 | Gay Friends | Gay friends are just like buttcheeks: Through all the crap they always stay together.
Unless, of course, a dick or a john comes between them. | N | {ts '2002-09-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 74003 | Jack meuff |
| 44 | 287144 | Martini Sermon | The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly
speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can
I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday
it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of
water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young
priest | N | {ts '2002-02-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 45 | 287450 | The Confession | "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."The
priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?""Yes, Father, it is.""And who was the
woman you were with?""Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want
to ruin her reputation.""Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so
you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?""I | N | {ts '2002-02-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 46 | 292749 | Marketing 101 | You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and
say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a
bunch of friends and see a gorgeous guy. One of your friends goes up
to him and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising. You
see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and gethis
telephone number. The next day | N | {ts '2002-02-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 47 | 287834 | A Few Zen Thoughts... | Save the whales. Collect the whole set.A day without sunshine is like, night.On the
other hand, you have different fingers.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
the spot.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.I feel like I'm
diagonally parked in a parallel universe.Honk if you love peace and quiet.Remember, half the
people you know are below average.He | N | {ts '2002-02-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 48 | 291509 | Hollywood Squares Answers | These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted
like they are now. These are from the old Hollywood Squares show in the
70's... Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at
least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: George
| N | {ts '2002-02-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 49 | 287681 | 15 Pieces of Advice | 15 Pieces of Advice to be Passed On—or Passed Over!1. Don't imagine you can
change a man - unless he's in diapers.2. What do you do if your
boyfriend walks out? - You shut the door.3. If they put a man on
the moon - they should be able to put them all up there?4. Never
let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.5. Go
for younger men. You might as well - | N | {ts '2002-01-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 50 | 286907 | Careful What You Say | An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each
other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into
the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my
way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic
because of the | N | {ts '2002-01-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 51 | 287976 | A Matter Of Economy | A couple, age 68, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"The man said, "Doctor, will you watch us have intercourse?" The
doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $10.00.This happened for
several weeks in a row. The couple would make | N | {ts '2001-09-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 52 | 295568 | Texas Bragging Rights | In a Texas bar, the bartender Fred was fed up with penis-boasting from the
regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them,
"Whip 'em out!"Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar to begin measuring
all the exposed cocks. Just then a gay guy walks into the bar. Fred
asks the man if there is something that he can get for him. The
gay guy replies, "I was going to | N | {ts '2001-09-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 53 | 295084 | Sonnet To Axilla | Sonnet to Axilla
Oh dewey depth, where pecs and lats conspire,
converge to form a hallowed
hollow
A grotto gracious Nature would bestow,
where it's its wont to glow and to
perspire,
To intoxicate and then inspire.
In damp confinement tangled gardens grow
With vines and bushes no
botanies know
A hidden jungle temple of desire
Each Paradise with | N | {ts '2001-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 73122 | Paul |
| 54 | 288451 | Alcohol Warnings We'd Like to See | The FDA decided to place different kinds of warnings on all alcohol products to
let customers know the risks involved:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your pants..WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is
a major factor in dancing like a | N | {ts '2001-08-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 55 | 287545 | Timber! | A lady from California bought a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a
large tree on one of the points in the tract. She wanted to get
a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.
As she eared the top, she found a spotted owl that attacked her. In
her haste to escape, she slid down the tree and got many splinters in
her private parts.In a lot of pain, she | N | {ts '2001-08-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 56 | 286877 | Better Late Than Never | A ninety-year-old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He
stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink.
He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar and he
told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.As evening progressed, the
old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment,where they got it
on. ("The | N | {ts '2001-08-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 57 | 295958 | The Little Old Lady And The Bank President | The Old Lady An The Bank PresidentA little old lady walked into the head
branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand.
She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the
$3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank.
She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan
Bank due to the | N | {ts '2001-08-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon |
| 58 | 287682 | 15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend | 15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend1. He wants to leave the club separately and
meet you at the donut store.2. He insists on going to YOUR car.3. He wants to
dance in the BACK of the club BEHIND the speakers.4. He wants YOUR phone number,
but won’t give you his.5. He has to drop someone off BEFORE he can come
to your place.6. He says he’s ALONE, but keeps looking around. | N | {ts '2001-08-20 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 59 | 294277 | Pissed | A man on a construction site 30 floors up had to go to the
bathroom. He approached his foreman and told him that he was going down to
use the facilities. The foreman told him he was crazy. By the time he
got down and back he'd lose a half hour of time. The foreman pushed
a plank out over the edge of the building. He stood on one end
and told the guy to go out on the other end | N | {ts '2001-08-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 60 | 287165 | Mind Your Hands... | One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss
each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of
confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to
her, "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My
parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
| N | {ts '2001-08-10 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 61 | 286850 | Ancient Chinese Wisdom | Ancient Chinese Wisdom:Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run
behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish
man give wife grand piano; wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk
through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man
who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who | N | {ts '2001-08-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon |
| 62 | 287567 | Very Funny Joke | A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He
is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the
green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
“Ribbit! 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears,
"Ribbit! 9Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong,
puts the club away, and grabs | N | {ts '2001-08-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon |
| 63 | 287854 | A Funny Frog Joke | A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He
is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the
green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
“Ribbit! 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears,
"Ribbit! 9Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong,
puts the club away, and grabs | N | {ts '2001-08-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon |
| 64 | 287473 | The Gift | The GiftA young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided
a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal.Accompanied
by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of
white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of | N | {ts '2001-07-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 65 | 291724 | I Need To Know | I NEED TO KNOWI hope I'm not lateLittle that I knowOutside your gateVulnerable to
the unknownYour eyes keep you from seeingOur worldly devicesUnderneath your feetBeckoning surprisesUndoubting wonders Take
you aroundWill not stop at anythingIsolation to be foundLock after lockLike a small jailWill
never find the keysAnother small taleIntruders to the mindTest our | N | {ts '2001-07-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 74265 | Archangel |
| 66 | 292588 | Looking for a golfball... | What's the difference between looking for a golfball and Lady Godiva?Answer: One is a
hunt on a course; the other is... (this is a | N | {ts '2001-07-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 74631 | kDagnall |
| 67 | 287280 | Opportunity Knocks | A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on
the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going.She
replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas." He questioned her as to why she was
going, and she told him, "I just found out that I can make $400.00
a night doing what I give you for free." He pondered that for a
while, went into the house, packed his | N | {ts '2001-06-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 68 | 291425 | Hell | One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing
in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:Demon: Why so glum, chum?Guy:
What do you think? I'm in hell.Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have
a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?Guy: Sure, I love to
drink.Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is
drink. | N | {ts '2001-06-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 69 | 287589 | What? 30 Years and No Watch? | George, the postman, was retiring after 30 years. And today was the LAST day
on his route.As he approached Mrs. Smith's residence, she opened the door and said:
"Oh, George! I think it is SO wonderful! Just think - 30 years on
the job!" She took him by the arm and led him into the house.
"Today, in celebration, I have a SURPRISE for you!" She sat him down at
the dining room | N | {ts '2001-06-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 70 | 287080 | It's Never Too Late | Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's residence. They met one
day in the social center, and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's
company.After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and
she accepted.They had a lovely evening and afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him
at his place for an after dinner drink. Things | N | {ts '2001-06-11 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 71 | 286961 | Donations Dilema | A girl got in line to donate blood at the local blood bank. She
got to talking to the man in line in front of her and asked
how often he donated blood.He corrected her, stating that he was there to donate
sperm. Really, she said, how much do they pay for sperm donations?$50.00 the man
stated. The girl replied that she only made $10.00 each time she donated blood.
After the | N | {ts '2001-06-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 72 | 287103 | John and Joe Jones | Once there were twin brothers by the name of Jones. John Jones was married,
and Joe Jones was single. The single brother Joe was the proud owner of
a dilapidated row boat. It happened that John Jones' wife died the same day
that Joe's rowboat filled with water and sank.A few days later, a kindly old
lady met Joe and mistaken him for John said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I am
sorry to hear | N | {ts '2001-06-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 73 | 295491 | Tavern Tipsy | From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a (supposedly) true
story from Madison, Wisconsin.Recently a police patrol car routinely parked outside a local Neighborhood
tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for
a few minutes, with the officerquietly | N | {ts '2001-05-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 74 | 293998 | Ooops ! | A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised
their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he
pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to a
ball and dinner.After an hour an a half, the wife told her husband that
she was bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work
for the next stay.The husband | N | {ts '2001-05-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 75 | 287278 | Ooops | Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.Every night, after dinner, he took off
for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home,
well inebriated, around midnight each night.He always had trouble getting his key into the
keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go
to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to | N | {ts '2001-04-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 76 | 287279 | Ooops! | A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist whowas speeding down Main
Street."But officer," the man began, "I can explain."A police officer in a small town
stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer," the man began, "I
can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your
heels in jail until the chief gets back." | N | {ts '2001-04-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 77 | 296290 | Think Before You Speak... | A doctor and his lover are having an argument in the morning over breakfast
and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed
anyway!" So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to
call his boyfriend and make amends....So he calls the house and the phone rings
many, many times and then his lover finally answers the phone completely out of
| N | {ts '2001-04-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 78 | 289768 | Confessional Humor | The newly ordained priest arrives at his first assignment and is getting settled in
when the pastor asks him to take confessions on Saturday morning. To help him
out, the pastor gives him a book with all possible sins, and suggested penances.
So the young priest goes over to the church, goes into the box and
begins hearing confessions. After the usual run, a voice from behind the | N | {ts '2001-03-28 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 79 | 295587 | That's nice... | Two police officers saw this old man staggering down the street. Stopping him, they
can tell he has had far too much to drink and instead of taking
him to jail they decide to just drive him home. They loaded him into
the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the
drunken man. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the man where
he lived, all he | N | {ts '2001-03-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 80 | 287730 | A Bargain Parrot | A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to
a pet shop.After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what
happened to this parrot?""I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective
parrot.""Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood | N | {ts '2001-03-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 81 | 286779 | A Bargain Parrot | A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to
a pet shop.After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what
happened to this parrot?""I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective
parrot.""Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood | N | {ts '2001-03-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 82 | 286822 | Absolut | A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi
is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish,
anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi
says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 83 | 286934 | Communication's Everything | A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he
happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a
gorgeous young woman and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered
the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing
what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot mamma and
be | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 84 | 289731 | Commumication's Essential | A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he
happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a
gorgeous young man and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered
the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing
what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot number and
be | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 85 | 288258 | Absolut | A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi
is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish,
anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi
says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 86 | 286878 | Better Late... | An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor."Not a chance", says Mrs.
Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache.""No problem," replies the doctor.
"Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come
back in a week to let me know how you got on."A week later
| N | {ts '2001-03-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 87 | 292602 | Lost At Sea | Lost at SeaTwo Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled
across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the
lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie,
however, statedthat he | N | {ts '2001-03-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 88 | 290901 | Foul Cry Fowl | This middle-aged handsome and well groomed guy was in a pet shop, when he
spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw
it. He went to the shop owner and told him that he'd like to
buy the bird as a surprise for his special friend. He said he would
sell it to him, but he warned her that the bird had been brought
up by some male prostitute in a brothel, and had | N | {ts '2001-03-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 89 | 287010 | Foul Mouthed Fowl | This lady was in a pet shop, when she spotted this parrot, and fell
in love with it as soon as she saw it. She went to the
shop owner and told him that she'd like to buy the bird. He said
he would sell it to her, but he warned her that the bird had
been brought up by some chick in a brothel, and had picked up some
of the lingo.The woman said that she'd still like to have to bird, | N | {ts '2001-03-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 90 | 293095 | Miss Queued | Young Bill was courting Miguel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in
cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun
go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull doing the business on
one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and
figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Miguel.He
| N | {ts '2001-03-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 91 | 286990 | Eternal Damnation | A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the
devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he
recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman."That's unfair !" he cried.
"I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it
with a beautiful woman.""Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. | N | {ts '2001-03-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 92 | 287263 | Night Court | It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded
up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three
hookers stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first
lady what she hadto say for herself.The woman was irate, "I don't know what
all this is about, your Honor. I'm a college student doing research for a | N | {ts '2001-03-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 93 | 296398 | Top 45 Oxymorons | 45. Act naturally44. Found missing43. Resident alien42. Advanced BASIC41. Genuine imitation40. Airline Food39. Good
grief38. Same difference37. Almost exactly36. Government organization35. Sanitary landfill34. Alone together33. Legally drunk32. Silent
scream31. Living dead30. Small crowd29. Business ethics28. Soft rock27. Butt Head26. Military | N | {ts '2001-03-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 94 | 291306 | Grievance | GrievanceI, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the followingreasons:1) I do
physical labor, I work at great depths2) I plunge head first into everything I
do3) I do not get weekends off or public holidays4) I work in a
damp environment5) I don't get paid overtime6) I work in a dark workplace that
has poor ventilation7) I work in high temperatures8) My work | N | {ts '2001-03-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 95 | 290359 | Drinks & Personality | Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a man's personality
based on what he drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.Drink:
BeerPersonality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get
laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laidYour Approach: Challenge
him to a game | N | {ts '2001-02-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 96 | 286968 | Drinks & Personalities | Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality
based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.Drink:
BeerPersonality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.Drink:
Blender DrinksPersonality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt.Your | N | {ts '2001-02-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 97 | 287585 | What Ever It Takes to Golf on Saturday | There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon but
couldn't because of there wives, so one day after many years they finally got
together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one
guy said:"I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play
today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new
sports car | N | {ts '2001-02-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 98 | 286798 | A Horse and A Chicken | A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls
into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken
to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The
chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the chicken
gets into thefarmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the
mud hole.Wasting no time, the | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 99 | 287901 | A Horse and a Rooster | A horse and a young rooster are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse
falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the
little rooster to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to
safety. The rooster runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So,
the rooster gets into thefarmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back
to the mud hole.Wasting | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 100 | 287109 | Just One of Those Days... | Dave's wife decides he deserves a special present for his birthday, so she takes
him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"The wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to
this club before."Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."When
they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Guinness.The | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 101 | 296393 | Too Many Martini's | McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the
olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives
and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave."Excuse me," said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?""Nothing," said
the Irishman, "my boyfriend just sent me out | N | {ts '2001-01-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 102 | 286851 | And Your Profession is... | A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver,
a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a
YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many
sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at
the young man, then looks at | N | {ts '2001-01-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 103 | 288582 | And Your Profession is... | A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver,
a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a
YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many
sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at
the young man, then looks at | N | {ts '2001-01-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 104 | 288524 | An Airline Story | The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was
just as obviously enjoying himself at the same time.It was nearing the end of
quite a long flight and the cockpit crew sounded two bells, indicating their final
descent, signaling the cabin crew to prepare the cabin for landing.The gay flight attendant
came swishing down the aisle, picked up the | N | {ts '2001-01-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 105 | 296686 | Viagra At Any Age | An elderly gentleman went to the local drugstore & asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The
pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just
a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each 1 into 4
pieces?"
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."
The elderly gentleman replied, "Oh, that's alright, I'm | N | {ts '2001-01-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 106 | 290605 | Every Dog Has His Day | George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a
glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more
or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first
to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look
like Einstein, but you have NO idea | N | {ts '2001-01-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 107 | 289085 | Birds! | A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner
points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on
the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the
man.The shop owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The
man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs
1,000 dollars because | N | {ts '2001-01-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 108 | 294303 | Please... | A man went to the doctor, and the doctor told him he had only
24 hours to live. He went home to tell his lover and after they
both had a long cry over it, he asked his lover if he would
have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course,
Darling!" he replied. And so they had sex. Four hours later they were lying
in bed and he turned to his lover again, and | N | {ts '2000-12-30 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 109 | 288856 | Banking Woes | A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a fu%#in' checking account"To which the lady replied, "I beg
your pardon, what did you say?""Listen up dammit, I said I want to open
a fu#%in' checking account right now.""Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that
kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over
to the | N | {ts '2000-12-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 110 | 286870 | Banking Woes | A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a fu%#in' checking account"To which the lady replied, "I beg
your pardon, what did you say?""Listen up dammit, I said I want to open
a fu#%in' checking account right now.""Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that
kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over
to the | N | {ts '2000-12-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 111 | 294831 | Selling It on Cellular | There were several men in the locker room of a private club, after exercising.Suddenly,
a cell phone that was on one of the benches, rings. A man picks
it up and the following conversation ensues:- "Hello?"- "Honey, It's me. Are you at
the club?"- "Yes."- "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you
are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy | N | {ts '2000-12-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 112 | 294740 | Santa's Had It With Straights ! | T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissedHe cussed out the elves
and threw down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have good mind to
scrap the whole worksI've busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of "Thanks
Santa" - what do I hearThe old lady bitches cause I work late at
nightThe elves want more money - The reindeer all fightRudolph | N | {ts '2000-12-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 113 | 288155 | A Testament to Ineffective Communication | A man is lying in the hospital's urgent care facility on life support and
in a coma. A couple nurses are in his room giving him a sponge
bath, while his lover waits nervously outside.One of the nurses is in the midst
of washing his 'private parts' and notices that there is a definite response on
the monitor when she touches him. They go to the lover andexplain what just
| N | {ts '2000-12-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 114 | 294866 | Settling In Together... | Mark met a handsome guy, Andy, and he decided he wanted to settle into
a relationship right away.Andy said, "But we don't know anything about each other."Mark said,
"That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along."So Andy consented,
and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.So one morning they
were lying by the pool, when Mark got up off ofhis towel, | N | {ts '2000-12-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 115 | 293691 | Naughty Limericks | 1There was a young man from Saint Source's,Whose cock was a big as a
horse's.He'd suck on his meat,Before he would eat,And did it again between courses. 2There once
was a boy from HawaiiWhose dick got too big for his fly.He yanked down
the zipper,And pulled out his flipper,And it stood up and poked in his eye. 3There
once was a boy with a dongWhich he fiddled with | N | {ts '2000-11-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne |
| 116 | 290583 | Erotic Verses | I. New verses to: There was an Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an
old man named Michael Finnegan.His favorite toy wa'nt made of tin again!When it stood
up, then he would sin again.Wicked Michael Finnegan. Begin again.There was an old man
named Michael Finnegan.His dong hung right down to his shin again.If I'm lucky I'll
meet him again.Long-dong Michael Finnegan. | N | {ts '2000-11-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne |
| 117 | 291235 | God vs Satan !! | A reading from the Book of Email, the third chapter, 5th verse(Email 3:5):In the
beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form,
and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.And Satan said, "Sheuuu,
it don't get no better than this!" And God said, "Let there be light,"
and there was light. And God Said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, | N | {ts '2000-11-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 74056 | Moses's Spiral Notebook |
| 118 | 288293 | Adapted Folksongs | New Versions to Three Old Folksongsby Henry BayneI. New verses to: There was an
Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His favorite
toy wa'nt made of tin again!When it stood up, then he would sin again.Wicked
Michael Finnegan. Begin again.There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His dong hung right
down to his shin again.If | N | {ts '2000-11-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne |
| 119 | 291105 | Gay Limericks | Some “Naughty” Limericks
by Henry Bayne
henrybayne@hotmail.com
1
There was a young man from Saint Source's,
Whose cock was as big as a horse's.
He'd suck on his meat,
Before he would eat,
And did it again between courses.
2
There once was a boy from Dubai
Whose dick got too big for his fly.
He yanked down the zipper,
And pulled out his flipper,
It | N | {ts '2000-11-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne |
| 120 | 294141 | Peer Pressure | The other day, my friends and I decided to 'do' the town. We started
out at our regular gay bar and wound up at a night club that
had male strippers. We were all pretty loaded by this time.One of the guys
wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill
and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be | N | {ts '2000-11-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 121 | 288074 | A Poor Choice of Words | A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five
iron wrapped tightly around his throat.Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened."Well, it was
like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with
mylover when he sliced his ball into a pasture of cows. We went to
look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticedone of the cows
had | N | {ts '2000-11-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 122 | 295145 | Stature is Everything | A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two femaleteachers, went on
a field trip to the local race track to learn aboutthoroughbred horses and the
supporting industry.When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it wasdecided
that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys wouldgo with the
other.The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the | N | {ts '2000-10-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 123 | 290796 | First is Not Always Best | A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to
the doctor.He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In
response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate,
trystartling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself
a starter pistol. All excited totry this suggestion, he ran home | N | {ts '2000-10-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 124 | 288703 | As It Hits the Fan | A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give
me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell
of a day!" "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The
next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
Six double vodka drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the
answer came back, "I've just | N | {ts '2000-10-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 125 | 289122 | Blondes | A blind guy who’s become rather intoxicated in a local gay bar, decides to
makeHimself known to his new found patrons, and announces loudly,“Hey, ya’ll wanna hear a
really great blond joke?”The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the
guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 126 | 290170 | Devine Golf | As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26,
however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He
took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he
quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he
agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 127 | 293938 | Older And... | An older gay man asks his husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you
like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?"
he asks.He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off
my appetite."At lunch time, he asks his husband if he would like something. "A
bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 128 | 294355 | Predictable | One night two men both at a gay bar knocking back a few beers.
They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an
hour, the first man says to his new found friend,"Hey. How about if we
sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."The other
doctor agrees to it.So they go back to his place and he goes in
the | N | {ts '2000-10-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 129 | 289298 | Brown Elk | An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the saloon. He was a giant of
aman with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why
hewas carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small chicken in
the other."I'll have a whiskey," he told the bartender, and after downing theshot, Brown
Elk ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourthdrink, the Indian pulled | N | {ts '2000-10-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 130 | 296467 | Trouble With Crusin' | Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the
bar counter, with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what
are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was
out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to
me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says, 'Can I
have a ride in your boat?' I said, 'Sure you can | N | {ts '2000-10-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 131 | 295082 | Son of A ... | Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow
between them. One of the trees says to the other, "Is that a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other tree says that
he cannot tell.Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The tall tree says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that sapling is a
son of a beech or a son of a birch?" | N | {ts '2000-10-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 132 | 291433 | Helping the Hopless | A little old man, well into his eighties, slowly enters the front door of
an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on his feet, heShakily hobbles the few
feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing
it for support, he asks the sales clerk:"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"The clerk, politely trying
not to burst out laughing, replies: | N | {ts '2000-10-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 133 | 288064 | A Note From Hell | A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at histable, notices an absolutely
gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for
the most expensive bottle ofchampagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that
if he accepts it,he will be his for the night.The waiter gets the bottle
and quickly sends it over tothe hunk , saying this is from the | N | {ts '2000-09-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 134 | 289120 | Blond Holiday | This guy has a blond friend who can never seem to laid, so he
decides to take him to New Orleans for a day of sin and frolic.He
drops the blond off at his hotel, and tells him where all thebest gay
bars are in the French Quarter—literally a dozen to choose from, starting on Bourbon
Street, like Pub on Bourbon, Parade Disco, Oz, etc. and informs him he is
going to visit with an | N | {ts '2000-09-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 135 | 294180 | Penis Humor | Penis Humor:The Excedrin Penis: It's thhhhhiiiiiisssss big.The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing... Taste is
everything.The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you.The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't
get up!!The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it...The Tootsie Pop Penis: How
many licks DOES it take...???The M&M's Penis: Melts in your mouth--- not in your
| N | {ts '2000-09-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 136 | 293151 | More Penis Humor | More Penis Humor:The Flinstones' Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growingThe Wendy's Penis: Where's
the beef?!?!?The Folger's Penis: The best part of waking up is Penis in your
cup.The Lays Penis: Betcha can't eat just one.The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the
taste of it...The Big Red Penis: It's longer with Big Red.The Robitussin Penis II:
It's recommended by Dr. | N | {ts '2000-09-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 137 | 287631 | $100 Bill | A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo
a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could
hurt a lot. Why wouldyou want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?" The
man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money growI like to play
with my moneyAnd next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he
won't have | N | {ts '2000-09-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 138 | 294954 | Shopping Surprise | A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find
his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about
to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before
you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home,
I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride.
He was hungry, so I brought | N | {ts '2000-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 139 | 296051 | The Perfect Prescription | A man went into a pharmacy on Polk Street in San Francisco, and asked
to talk to the pharmacist. The guy he was talking to said that he
was the pharmacist and that he and his lover owned the store. He then
asked if there was something he could help the man with.The man said "this
is embarrassing for me, but I have a huge cock which is permanently erect
and causes me a lot | N | {ts '2000-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 140 | 293249 | My Balls | My balls are called Proctor and Gamble--the holy brothers. Like good saints they don't
stay in place and even my canvas sack won't contain them. They tell me
"the time" and hope that I will get them some work. To do this
I simply turn off my brain and then they set to work releasing all
of the springs that pop my dingle to all jangle. Their work on a
given job is completed when | N | {ts '2000-09-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72228 | Dale Hart |
| 141 | 290905 | Four Dirty Little Limericks | FOUR DIRTY LITTLE LIMERICKSBy Cuddle BearSome of these are original to me, some I’ve
modified for your pleasure and some are just good..A pansy who lived in KhartoumTook
a lesbian up to his room.And they argued all nightOver who had the rightTo
do what, and with which, to whom.(Say this one aloud in your best fake
British accent. It works!)A lusty young Bottom of | N | {ts '2000-09-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 73924 | Cuddle Bear |
| 142 | 287931 | A John's Mother | John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help
noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of John’s sexual
orientation, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening,
while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between
John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading | N | {ts '2000-08-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 143 | 290871 | Florida--Flea Paradise | One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of
Florida to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan
lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, thesecond
flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the
hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode | N | {ts '2000-08-30 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 144 | 289834 | Cowboy Meets Indian | There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in
the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse
up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his
chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks,
"What are you doing?",To which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as
sundial." The cowboy | N | {ts '2000-08-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 145 | 289773 | Construction Sign Language | Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he
spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he
can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.He pointed
to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his
hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground
floor nods | N | {ts '2000-08-28 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 146 | 291683 | I Didn't Inhale | I’m not a threat, or I at least seem like a rather nice guy
to those women who work in the adult entertainment industry. I don’t really know
what they think because I haven’t asked, and really wouldn’t know how to phrase
the question. Simply put, I went to the Colorado (a gentlemen’s club) last night
and enjoyed it, but unlike my earlier years of going to such establishments I
| N | {ts '2000-08-25 00:00:00'} | Y | 73311 | Tony Ratliff |
| 147 | 296048 | The Penis Poem | My nookie days are overMy pilot light is outWhat used to be my sex
appealIs now my water spout.Time was when, on its own accordFrom my trousers it
would springBut now I've got a full-time jobTo find the blasted thing.It used to
be embarrassingThe way it would behaveFor every single morningIt would stand and watch me
shave.Now as old age approachesIt sure gives me the | N | {ts '2000-08-25 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 148 | 296789 | Well Hung Leprechaun | While taking a leak a young man noticed little man with a big green
hat at the next urinal and the man was hung like a horse.Well the
little man looked over and said "Do you like the look of this?""Wow" said
the young man."Well" said the little man "I am a Leprechaun and I can
make you this well hung by magic.""How' replied the young guy."Well I put this
up inside you and | N | {ts '2000-08-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 76225 | Queen of the Irish |
| 149 | 294569 | Revenge Takes Its Toll | A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed withanother
man. In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the
garage and put his penis in a vise. He then secured it tightly and
removed the handle.Next he picked up a hacksaw.The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're
not going tocut it off are you?"The man, with a gleam of revenge in
his eye, | N | {ts '2000-08-16 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 150 | 291175 | Getting Old Sucks... | When I went to lunch today, I noticed this ol boy about 75-80 years
sitting on a bench near the Food Court and he was sobbing her eyes
out.I stopped and asked him what was wrong.He said: "I have a 22 year
old lover at home. He makes love to me everymorning and then he makes
me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshlyground, brewed coffee."I said: "Well, then why are
you | N | {ts '2000-08-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 151 | 292599 | Lost & Found | Gary recently lost his lover after a tragic skiing accident. He had him cremated
and brought his ashes home with him. Picking up the urn that he was
in, Gary poured his lovers ashes out on the counter. Then, while tracing his
fingers in the ashes, he started talking to him."Stan, you stupid old fool, skiing
at your age........." He lowered hisvoice to a whisper, and with a | N | {ts '2000-08-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 152 | 289844 | Creative Banking | This is reported to be an actual letter sent to a Bank in the
US. The Bankthought it amusing enough to publish it in their newsletter:Dear Sir:I am
writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I tried to paymy
plumber last month. By my calculations, some three nanoseconds must haveelapsed between his presenting
the check, and the arrival in my account ofthe funds | N | {ts '2000-08-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 153 | 287810 | A Dying Confession | Jake was dying. His lover, Bob, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
He held his fragile hand, tears running down his face. His praying roused Jake
from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Bob," he whispered. "Hush, my love," Bob said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."He
was insistent. "Bob," he said in his tired voice. "I....I | N | {ts '2000-07-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 154 | 295545 | Tennessee Degree | A young man graduated from the University of Tennessee with a degreein journalism. His
first assignment for the newspaper who hired himwas to write a human interest story.
Being from Tennessee, he went backto the country to do his research. He went
to an old farmer's house wayback in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer
and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. | N | {ts '2000-07-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 155 | 291835 | In Mourning | Mark lost his lover almost four years ago in a tragic motor accident, and
still has not gotten out of his depression, mourning as if it were only
yesterday. A close friend is constantly calling him and urging him to get back
into the world. Finally, Mark says he'd go out, but didn't know anyone. His
friend immediately replies, "Mark I have someone for you to meet, Steve, a | N | {ts '2000-07-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 156 | 294194 | Perception | A man walks into his local gay bar and asks for a beer. After
drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.After drinking
that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again andasks for another beer. This
happens about another seven timesbefore the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking
in yourpocket?"The man replies, "I have a picture of my lover in | N | {ts '2000-07-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 157 | 294994 | Size Matters | A few days after Jack met Woody, he had his name tattooed onhis penis
to show him how much he loved him. When erect, the namewas fully visible;
but when deflated, it read "Wy".Woody was delighted with Jack's "special emblem of devotion."Later
in the year they decide to go to Jamaica for their vacation.Their hotel had
three beaches, one traditional, one nudist, and onegay | N | {ts '2000-07-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 158 | 291817 | Improvise When All Else Fails | Steven was in bed with his boyfriend when he heard his lover opening the
front door."Hurry!" he said, "Stand in the corner." He quickly rubbed baby oil all
over theboyfriend and then he dusted him with talcum powder."Don't move until I tell
you to." he whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue.""What's this, Stevie?" the lover asked
as he entered the room."Oh, it's just a | N | {ts '2000-07-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 159 | 290589 | Escaped Convict | A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and wason the run.
He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he foundin the
bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his
wife tothe bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle hiswife
and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her headviolently, at
which the man | N | {ts '2000-07-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 160 | 288579 | And So It Goes... | An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit
and says... “And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name
of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of
Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of
leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham,
her husband, "Why doth thou | N | {ts '2000-07-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 161 | 291237 | Going Down French Style | Going Down French-StylePierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his boyfriend,Jene, out for a
pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautifulday and love is in
the air. Jene leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre,kiss me!"Our hero grabs a
bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Jene's lips."What are you doing, Pierre?" says
the startled Jene."I am Pierre the | N | {ts '2000-07-11 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous |
| 162 | 287704 | 20 of the Best Things About Being Gay | 20 of the Best Things About Being Gay from the book 501 Great Things
About Being Gay by Edward Taussig.1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is
sleeping with.2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.3. You can
call anyone "honey" including pets.4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency
room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.5. You | N | {ts '2000-07-10 00:00:00'} | Y | 72264 | Edward Taussig |
| 163 | 293052 | Mike Meets Joe | Mike met Joe at a gay nightclub, and Joe invited him back to his
place for the night. When they arrived at Joes house, they went right into
his bedroom. Mike saw that the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were
hundreds of them all over the place. Giant stuffed animals were on top of
the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill, | N | {ts '2000-06-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 73451 | Mikey |
| 164 | 293832 | Not Too Straight Advice... | Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing
all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around
you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job
WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles | N | {ts '1999-10-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 165 | 296829 | What's Your Sign? | ASK CO-WORKERS WHICH YOU HATE WHAT THEIR SIGN IS--AND THEN, REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING...ENJOY
HOROSCOPES by Adam Sandler
Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind
and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the
same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22) | N | {ts '1999-10-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 166 | 289900 | Cute One Liners | That's a nice pair of pants - Anyway I can talk you out of
them?
Your lips are like wine. I want to drink them!
Excuse me is
that a space suit you're wearing, because your ass is out of this world.
Do you believe in love at first sight?...Or do I have to walk by
again?
Do you sleep on your stomach?...No?....Can I?
Is that a mirror in your
pocket? Cuz, I can | N | {ts '1999-10-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 167 | 296402 | Top Ten Men On My List | 1. The Doctore--because he says, "Take off your clothes".
2. The Dentist--because he
says, "open Wide".
3. The Hairdresser--because he says, "Do you want it teasted
or blown?"
4. The Milkman--because he says, "Do you want it in front
or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator--because he says, "Once you have it
all in--you'll just love it!"
6. | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 168 | 294348 | Possible National Condom Week Slogans | 1. Cover your stump before U hump.
2. Before U attack 'er, wrap
yer wacker!
3. Don't be silly, protect yer willy.
4. When in
doubt, shroud yer spout.
5. Don't be a loner, cover yer boner.
6. You can't go wrong if U shield yer dong.
7. If yer
not goin' to sack it, go home and whack it!
8. If U
think he's spunky, cover | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 169 | 294018 | Oral Sex--An Ode To Love | Penis breath, a lover's dread...
Is what you get when you give head...
Unpleasant as it tends to be...
Be greateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this, you wonder why...
You bothered reaching
for his fly...
But it's too late, can't be a tease...
Accept
the fact, get on your knees.
You know you've | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One |
| 170 | 288283 | Adam & Eve | In this garden were two little leaves One covered Adam's One covered Eve's As
the story goes on nevertheless to say The wind came align and blew the
leaves away
At the sight Adam did stare There was Eve's treasure All
covered with hair And wonder came under Eve's eyes As Adam's thing started to
rise
They found a spot that suited them best A nice big tree
where | N | {ts '1999-03-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72540 | Rob |